A 13 Year Old and His Birthday Money

"Can we go to Target?" came the incessant request from the passenger seat over, and over and over again. "I have already told you, " I replied, "I would love to take you to Target, I simply don't have time. Anyway, impulse buying only leads you to spending your money frivolously." This later point he skillfully ignored. "It will only take me five minutes." he retorted. Sadly, he seriously, earnestly, thought it would only take him five minutes. "Five minutes to check out, maybe."I replied. I tried to get him to reason one more time, "What do you want to buy?" To this qustion I recieved a blank stare then he said, "Can I go to Target?" I could tell he was determinded to annoy me until, pleading for my sanity, I drove him to Target. I've never been one to back down from a challenge so I concluded, "Look, you've been getting on my nerves since day one, at this point I'm immune."
"Ah!" he said with a look of triumph, "but now I'm a teenager and I can be more annoying than you have ever dreamed!"
This I quietly thought to myself could be the biggest truth I have heard this week.

I Only Dog Paddle

I signed up for triathlon swim training on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 5:45 AM. I own a maternity swim suit that I like because of the modesty of the skirt which was originally intended to fit over an eight month pregnant belly. It’s blue. I don’t own a pair of goggles so I borrowed my son’s, which are green. In this get-up I begin to remind myself of my oldest son who is described by his younger brother as, “Tall, un-matching clothes and freakishly long socks. All except for the socks suddenly I see were he get’s his fashion sense. I mentally prepared for the morning by setting my alarm clock. Subconsciously I was still in denial about it because I forgot to turn the alarm on. Needless to say I hopped out of bed at 6:00AM and got the pool at about 6:15 AM, an aura of high fashion in tow. All the other athletes were well into the work out when I showed up. The coach was high and dry standing on the wall giving directions. I approached, introduced myself and apologized for my tardiness. “I’m here to learn.” I said. “I don’t really know how to swim,” I continued, “But your flier said the class was for all abilities.” I have a feeling the coach made a mental note to check his flier at this point. Politely, he inquired with a flat voice, “You are doing a triathlon?” “Well,” I replied in my most upbeat manner, “I hope to some time in my life, but as I said before, I don’t really know how to swim.” “OK,” he said with more determination than I had expected, “Get in the water, swim to the other side of the pool and back and let’s see what you got.” I was reminded of Andre the Giant in Princess Bride as I replied, “OK, but I only dog paddle.” “Go for it,” he replied. I did as I was told and I think I almost drown twice. Needless to say the coach is talented; before I left I had a concept of proper breath technique and positioning in the water. I’ve got a lot to work on. My husband commented later in the day that it was a good thing senior water aerobics had been canceled or I might have been politely asked to join that class instead. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t compete with them either.